lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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