Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
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