Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
