My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
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