What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
i think i just lost a toe
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Randomize
