I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
