Porn is love you can see.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
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