normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
