Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
