You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
