i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
