Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
thus making me awesome and them whores
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
