Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
