I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
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