I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
