My cat gives me a boner
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
