Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Is Oprah even human
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
