I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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