i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
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