if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
