can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
