I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
