tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Randomize