It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
