the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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