The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
