You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
