let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Randomize
