My sheets look like a crime scene.
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
whose ass print is on the piano?
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Randomize