So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
