i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Randomize
