Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
