Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
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