you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Randomize
