Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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