doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
His hands were made for my vagina.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Randomize
