Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
