Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
