singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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