i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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