My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
