so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
