I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
