literally had 100 drinks last night.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
