i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I am never drinking with the goths again.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
