Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I am mentally ready for anal.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
