So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
