the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Randomize
