don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Sober January is a disaster.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Randomize
