i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
