yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
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