I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
