im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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