on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
