i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
kristin has been a bad kristin
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
