community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Randomize
