I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
