I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
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