1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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