i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
