that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
My cat gives me a boner
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
