It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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