All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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