I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
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