Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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