Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
