oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Are we still banned from the library?
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
