And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
