I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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