Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Randomize
