No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
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