her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
